Friday, December 14, 2007

Youth camp

Woo wee...im back from my 5 day youth camp...all in all...i think it was rather okay... though the message that was given meant alot, it didn't really strike me in anyway though..games were too few but those few ones were exciting..

I think i the highlight of the camp would be the high praise that was held the night b4 the last night of camp. I went in the worship hall strong and didn't want to succumb to hypocrisy of breaking down, rededicating my faith only to find me returning back to my normal self few mths later...i remember a long time ago back when i was in my early years of high school..back when the church was not renovated and we still had two services. During one of the youth fellowship meetings, eric asked me why didn't i go out during the call in that camp. I answered with the same reasons i have now.

So why? why do i think that there the high praise was the highlight? Yes, the music was good. Yes, the worship was power packed. But it wasn't those which affected me. Sticking to those reasons i gave many years back i hid myself in a corner wanting nothing to do with the alter call. Wanting no one to come and pray for me for i was not gonna rededicate. But at that precise moment when i was about to walk out of the hall to take another breather, Raymond came and talked to me. He then prayed for me. At that moment, a chill went up my spine and i was more sensitive to the lyrics of the songs and the prayer he said. Guilt came in. Listening to ppl give their praises to the Lord. And here am i, kinda backsliding a little. The words of Raymond's prayer kinda affected me alot. He made reminded me how long i was with ssgc and how long i have been with God through all the years. The good the bad. The times i doubted Him and the times He was there for me. The fact that it was raymond who came and prayed for me was shocker too. Perhaps it is a sign from God sensing my doubt and showing signs that He really trully is there.

Although those happened, i still didn feel that calling to rededicate and change 180 in a snap. Probably it would have to take time but for now i still feel tat im the same bryan who came to camp on the first day. But for now, i know that He is out there watching over me. Watchin my every move.

I'm sorry JinFong. I know you hoped this camp would really make a big change in my walk with God. Perhaps it did but results aren't shown yet for i might still be transforming.

I'm sorry Sarah. For not being there for you to advice and to listen to you when u broke down for i myself wasn't sure of what i was feeling. I felt useless as a senior and a friend when i had nothing to say to you.

And lastly, im sorry God for how i'm living my life for it is not the life You want me to lead. I can't change instantly but i'll try my best too.


on a random note...here is a tag handed to me by esther


Rules.
1. Do this tag and answer all the questions in your own blog.
2. Delete question 20 and create another question of your own.
3. Tag 8 other victims to do this tag.

Questions.
1. What was your dream when you were still a small kid?
A tyre seller. No, Seriously i really wanted to be a car tyre seller.

2. What is the happiest thing that happened to you?
051217

3. What do you wish to have right now?
A lappie.

4. When was the last time your horse laughed?
my horse?

5. What did you realize recently?
It's time to change.

6. Which most habit in you is most unacceptable?
Annoying people.

7. When you are unhappy, what will you do?
Emo. Lol. Listen to emo songs n sob myself to sleep....so gay right?

8. What are you afraid of losing?
My ipod.

9. Within 5 years, which target is the most realistic one?
To finish my degree.

10. When you meet someone, will you profess or hide your feelings?
Depends on who that someone is. I have a habit of not talking much if i dun like that person and a habit of looking at that person if i'm interested.

11. List out 3 kinds of people you hate the most.
Ppl with faces which make u wanna hit em.
Ppl with faces which make u wanna hit em with weird attitudes to go with it.
Stuck up shits.

12. Define loneliness.
When no one is there. 'There' means on a more emotional note. not the hi bye frens but those who you can let your heart out too. I come to realise again that friends aren't always there for you. Really. Whoever says 'i'll always be there for you' usually don't mean it. Maybe i shouldn't too.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now?
Nope. Not really. Just because.

14. When was the most recent time you felt touched?
When my dad fed a stray dog. Probably not touched la... but it was so pitiful and to see it eat happily.

15. Where is the most beautiful place you've visited?
England so far. Nice countrysides.

16. A song that keeps playing in your mind?
That's how you know - Enchanted ost

17. If you have a wish to come true, what will it be?
Related to questions 2. But i doubt it. So i''ll say... to be rich on earth and in heaven.

18. Do you have anything to be worried or scared about?
That i end up as a garbage man or lead my life the wrong way.

19. If the world was going to end, what would you do?
Make sure i say goodbye to everyone i love.

20. If i were a banana i would...
Be the prettiest one.

I tag
1. Rei Rei
2. Richard
3. Henry
4. Rachel Ho
5. Eleen
6. Charissa
7. BenTay
8. JinFong


update *

listening to enchanted soundtrack... speaking of the show...how i wish things like this do happen...that'd be nice...

1 Comments:

Blogger ge burped out...

one day at a time, bryan.. i'm glad you blogged about it. let's not steel ourselves against God's love, eh? He longs for you and I - more than we know. Please keep praying and run that race with perseverance. *hugs*

2:57 am  
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